A FRIEND, 3, AND ANOTHER TALE

I heard last night that a friend of mine... had the hots for number 3... Had made out with him... A short while after I had decided to move on... Even as I cried my guts out elsewhere... Had cut off all contact with 3.... Its funny coz this friend even tried to help me woo 3 back... I of course as we all know miserably failed.... Funnier still since now it somehow doesn't seem to matter that much ... It doesn't matter that 3's kissing other bois... going out on dates with someone... It made me feel sad somewhere inside... but it didn't hurt that bad... Does that mean I didn't love him as much as I thought I had... Doubt it... It once hurt real bad...

I think I've grown, accepted, digested and internalised the truth. That he's only a friend... a friend I shall deeply love... care for ... and be there when he needs me...

Should it have hurt that a friend kissed him... professed his love... to my love... even as I was hurting elsewhere...? Should I have felt betrayed....? I dunno... I'm just too suprised right now with my own reaction in some ways... I know time heals... It has in the past... But never this quickly... Have I grown that distant from my feelings... or has my "Let Go" theory taken such deep root that I am in danger of losing my feelings for somehow almost instantly after my mind takes a decision... That's almost a scary thought I would rather not answer... even to myself....

But then again I can't have grown that distant either.... As I write this ... the sight of that kiss.. that fateful night... comes back to me.... I can't see the face of the guy 3's kissing... I still can't... but I can see the kiss all right... and tears are back.... streaming down my cheeks... just that this time they are mere droplets... The force has dimmed.... The ache has lessened... I have healed...

A little...

OF LEAKY BREASTS... AND BLEEDING HEARTS....

A friend of mine delivered her second baby a few days ago. A bundle of joy. Well that's I thought. But her description of motherhood.. both moved me ... and made me wonder... Her description of leaky breasts.. bleeding leaky breasts... the suckling of a child... as comforting as sandpaper on a nipple... gave me like this new as yet unknown peep hole in what it takes to be a mother.. I mean we all know of the hours and hours of labour... issues with C-section and all that.. but somehow post that trouble... i guess one's always been told its smooth sailing... well sort of .. .kids can fall ill.. be nursed to health... and all that.. But the act of a mother feeding her child has somehow always been glamourised.. so presented as a pleasurable experience... and reading MMs writings I began to wonder... is it all a myth.. or a Bollywood created ... idea of motherhood that we've all bought into... Specially ppl like me who have little no idea of what it all really means... Maybe this kinda info is all out there... maybe other ppl know about it... maybe its just me who doesn't .... Who knows...

My sister's expecting twins... All I can say Best of Luck ! God Help You ! Atleast you won't have to do it twice.