Existential Crisis

Sunday, June 11, 2006

INERTIA.... STATUS QUO.... HAPPY....
A pretty normal Sunday. Little to do. Just the way I like it. Went to get myself a haircut. Met my friend Vikstar for a cup of coffee that expanded into two, a brownie and a panini. Our conversations usually revolve around people we know, experiences, relationships that sort of thing. Viks was telling me about a certain list he's made, of all the things he wants in a man. That set me thinking. I had never really thought of what I wanted in a man. Not conciously atleast. My attractions have always started from an instant. An instant of good conversation, good chemistry, good sex. And then grown into something much more. With each relationship I have changed, mutated and grown.
Relationship 1: I so! wanted the sex. The physical mattered 70%... the emotional 30%.
Relationship 2: Sex mattered but only so much. Like 60% - 40%.
Relationship 3: Sex mattered. Still matters. But not that much. Some where along the way between being 25 and 30, sex lost its shimmer. Its heat. It's now something I enjoy. Yes. But, don't need to complete a relationship.
Here, it would be necessary to define sex.
Relationship1: The whole deal. No compromises. Or else its just foreplay. Doesn't count.
Relationship2: The whole deal. Or not. But the whole deal as far as possible. Foreplay counts.
Relationship3: At the begining. The whoooole deal, Please!!! I mean god it was just fantastic. Still is. But almost two years into it, it isn't necessary. Not the be all and end all.
What matters now, is just the being.
The being together.
The small things. The conversations.
The head on my chest when I close my eyes. The eyes tight shut dreaming next to me when I wake up.
The distance between the bodies on the way out. The head on my shoulder on the cab ride home.
The long silences when we don't speak and the long conversations when we do.
The blush of embarrassment. The frowns of worry.
The familiarity of a friendship so dear. That the being alone is bliss.