three's no lucky number...

Well a few days ago... number 3 had a party ... a pre-valentine's day party.. and I had promised to go.... even though it was in Delhi... even though I was short of money... hell I hardly get to see him... and what are credit cards for ?! So I went... But this time the visit had an edge.. some where in the past couple of months I had made up mind... two years waiting for him was long enough.... Loving him with all I had... loving him more then I had ever loved anyone with the exception of my mother of course... and there was this one conversation that had once again given me some hope... a flickering flame but a flame nonetheless... that he might be mine after all... that we might have a future after all... that we might be a 'we' after all! ... And so I went... bought a couple of things... things to remind him of our four years of togetherness... a t-shirt with shiva on it... something he's always wanted... but never bought himself... just cause he never thought he could carry it off... Then there was that red belt he wanted.... and the white tee... and John Abraham's autograph.... Four things... for four years... the fifth the best I kept for the last... He always wanted to go do dinner at Olive... we just never got around to it while he lived in mumbai... so I decided that would be number 5... the cherry on the top.... the icing on the cake... take whatever cliche you want... I would fly him to Mumbai... for a V-day dinner... The day ... the 10th.... started like any other... we got up... went shopping for the party.... got things set for the party.... It was like it always had been... the chemistry... the ... dunno what to call it... just that sense that we were somehow tied together... like we were somehow just meant to be... and it was just a matter of time... and that time could well be now... then... People came... the drinks flowed... the conversation was great... Played host ... Some one even asked me if the 'host'.. he that is... and me had something going on... the odd comment that we made a good couple... and surprised that he had never mentioned me in that vein before... My heart skipped a couple of beats... My gifts had gone down well.... there was still hope for me... for us... We were dancing having a good time... I was on fire... His friends wanted to dance with me... wanted to know where he had kept me hidden all this time... I was having the time of my life ... And then it spun out of control... I couldn't breathe... like someone had just reached in and ripped my insides out... I didn't quite know what to say or do... All I could do was sit in a corner... just sit... I could not have seen what I just saw... but then I just had... I sat... and his temporary roomate turns up... to tell me that he thinks... 3's in love with me... and I thought to myself really... and I had just seen him kiss someone... someone who he says meant nothing to him... someone who as a result it was easy to kiss... me... I had baggage... the baggage of a relationship gone wrong... that had stagnated... I had stagnated with it... He had moved on... I had just stayed... gone sour...